1. Be sure that they know that they aren’t your biggest priority
2. Let the iPad do the entertaining
3. Feed them formula filled with high fructose corn syrup
4. Feed them sugar filled juice –  they’ll drink lots of it
5. When diet sends them over-the-moon get a drug to calm them
6. Don’t offer newborns water – doctor’s orders
7. When water is introduced make sure it has lots of chemicals
8. Rev-up the hormones early – use plastic bottles
9. Microwave snacks to save time – it’s fast filler food
10. Don’t play with them – they need to be independent
11. Use babysitters often – then need to be “socialized”
12. Don’t bother reading labels – the contents haven’t killed you
13. Run to the doctor with every sniffle
14. Fill every prescription
15. Don’t bother researching – doctors know everything
16. Don’t cuddle with them – that’s for wussies
17. Don’t waste time tucking them in – sleep is more important
18. Feed them plenty of fast food – convenience is everything
19. Don’t plan family dinners – you’ll bore them
20. Enroll them in every extracurricular activity you can find
21. Don’t praise them no matter how good or bad they are
22. Fight in front of them often – everybody does
23. Argue with your teenager over everything big or small
24. If your teen rebels- beat, berate or ignore – it’s your choice
25. Use your smart phone non-stop – it tunes them out
26. Ridicule  them often – they’ll learn how to give it back later
27. Criticize their weight, their brains and their friends often
28. Say whatever you want to say – you’re the adult
29. Expect them to do as you say and not as you do
30. Let them drink alcohol with you –  it builds tolerance
31. If you find weed in their pockets – let it go – everybody does it
32. When they’re bored send them to the mall to hang out
33. If they don’t have money  give them your credit card
34. Buy them the latest and greatest always – they deserve it
35. Put cable and Internet  in their room –  it keeps them busy
36. Let them listen to lots of demoralizing music
37. Don’t make them get fresh air – video time is good enough
38. Buy the popular video games – violence is make-believe
39. Buy your girls Victoria Secret – make them sexy early
40. When they post provocative pictures on the web let it go
41. Get your girls on birth control at the first mention of boys
42. Tell your boys to have fun (be sure to wink)
43. Teach them that they’re better than all of their friends
44. Tell them that poor people are lazy and worthless
45. Don’t teach them to give back – that’s for losers
46. Don’t ever say you’re sorry – that’s a sign of weakness
47. Sneak snacks into movies –  breaking rules is conditional
48. Break the speed limit and text while driving – you’re the adult
49. Cuss often and be sure to use the “F” bomb – everybody does
50. Don’t give them a spiritual foundation – that’s for ninnies
51. Ignore your aging parents – old people are  all used-up
52. Make fun of “fat” or “ugly” people – you’re better than them

Mix all  ingredients thoroughly.  If you miss a few of them don’t worry about it.  The end result will be the same.  If you do it right  you’ll have the recipe mastered for all future generations.  Enjoy!

ADVOCATING FOR CHILDREN’S HEALTH

ONE CHILD AT A TIME!

CLICK HERE to start with the basics