Recipe For Raising Rotten Kids (Inside and Out)


  1. Be sure that they know that they aren’t your biggest priority
  2. Let the iPad do the entertaining
  3. Feed them formula filled with high fructose corn syrup
  4. Feed them sugar filled juice –  they’ll drink lots of it
  5. When diet sends them over-the-moon get a drug to calm them
  6. Don’t offer newborns water – doctor’s orders
  7. When water is introduced make sure it has lots of chemicals
  8. Rev-up the hormones early – use plastic bottles
  9. Microwave snacks to save time – it’s fast filler food
  10. Don’t play with them – they need to be independent
  11. Use babysitters often – then need to be “socialized”
  12. Don’t bother reading labels – the contents haven’t killed you
  13. Run to the doctor with every sniffle
  14. Fill every prescription
  15. Don’t bother researching – doctors know everything
  16. Don’t cuddle with them – that’s for wussies
  17. Don’t waste time tucking them in – sleep is more important
  18. Feed them plenty of fast food – convenience is everything
  19. Don’t plan family dinners – you’ll bore them
  20. Enroll them in every extracurricular activity you can find
  21. Don’t praise them no matter how good or bad they are
  22. Fight in front of them often – everybody does
  23. Argue with your teenager over everything big or small
  24. If your teen rebels- beat, berate or ignore – it’s your choice
  25. Use your smart phone non-stop – it tunes them out
  26. Ridicule  them often – they’ll learn how to give it back later
  27. Criticize their weight, their brains and their friends often
  28. Say whatever you want to say – you’re the adult
  29. Expect them to do as you say and not as you do
  30. Let them drink alcohol with you –  it builds tolerance
  31. If you find weed in their pockets – let it go – everybody does it
  32. When they’re bored send them to the mall to hang out
  33. If they don’t have money  give them your credit card
  34. Buy them the latest and greatest always – they deserve it
  35. Put cable and Internet  in their room –  it keeps them busy
  36. Let them listen to lots of demoralizing music
  37. Don’t make them get fresh air – video time is good enough
  38. Buy the popular video games – violence is make-believe
  39. Buy your girls Victoria Secret – make them sexy early
  40. When they post provocative pictures on the web let it go
  41. Get your girls on birth control at the first mention of boys
  42. Tell your boys to have fun (be sure to wink)
  43. Teach them that they’re better than all of their friends
  44. Tell them that poor people are lazy and worthless
  45. Don’t teach them to give back – that’s for losers
  46. Don’t ever say you’re sorry – that’s a sign of weakness
  47. Sneak snacks into movies –  breaking rules is conditional
  48. Break the speed limit and text while driving – you’re the adult
  49. Cuss often and be sure to use the “F” bomb – everybody does
  50. Don’t give them a spiritual foundation – that’s for ninnies
  51. Ignore your aging parents – old people are  all used-up
  52. Make fun of “fat” or “ugly” people – you’re better than them

Mix all  ingredients thoroughly.  If you miss a few of them don’t worry about it.  The end result will be the same.  If you do it right  you’ll have the recipe mastered for all future generations.  Enjoy!



CLICK HERE to start with the basics

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